Monday 29 February 2016

"The time is long overdue to encourage more women to dream the possible dream" Sheryl Sandberg


Style is a way to say who you are without having to speak.' – Rachel Zoe
Read more at http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/blogs/542820/the-40-best-style-quotes-of-all-time.html#822D057xmDUw9mJc.99

Sheryl and the like tell you that you can be anything you want to be, do anything you want to do.  Believe! Lean in! Sit at the table! Feel the fear and do it anyway. Yes, yes, yes thank you ladies; we know the drill. I am all over it. You need to talk to my 3 year old though, not me. Despite my motivational patter, when I ask her what she wants to be when she's older, she says she wants to cook and clean the castle like Cinderella. Oh right. I shan't be on the proud parent bus to NASA then?
In a funny way, I think I would rather the servant dream than her wishing she could just marry the bloody prince like all the rest of those lazy, drippy, ambition-less early princesses.  Snow White basically naps until she marries her step-brother. And don't get me started on Sleeping Beauty. With this in mind,  I've decided to help her towards fulfilling her lofty goals by giving her some work experience in the playroom with this lovely set from Melissa and Doug. Have courage, be kind. Sweep, collect, sweep, collect. 
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Melissa-Doug-Lets-House-Sweep/dp/B00HWHNQA0






Saturday 27 February 2016

The Weekend Edition

If you're looking for a piece of political commentary to mull over this weekend, congratulations- you've come to the right place. 

See if you can solve the following celebrity dingbat. Put your answer in the comments section below. CLUE: it is someone who has been in the news over the past 7 days and there is an extra point if you can tell me why.  

Thursday 25 February 2016

Dont put off until tomorrow...


What you can do today. 


If you asked me to describe my positive attributes, as well as lying by saying that I pay close attention to detail, I would say that I pride myself on my superb productivity. I would say, with a soft smile, I just luuuurve getting things diddly diddly done. And actually, when it comes to tasks that are priority wise towards the bottom of the bottom-most list, I do get them done and before the fake deadline too. For example, topping up my reserve stock of baking powder. Oh yes, thats done. I have enough in my supplies to raise the sunk Titantic were it to be made of plain flour. And what about stressing over holiday logistics 30 weeks before the departure date? That's all covered too. And working my way through an entire box of marzipan fruits when I swore I would make them last at least a week? Yes, that task has been satisfactorily accomplished as well. But when it comes to things that actually matter, I am a horrible procrastinator. A case in point - I filled in my baby boy's passport form when he was 8 weeks old. He is now...gulp..... 9 x 4 make.....36 weeks old and I have only just sent it off. WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH ME? 
I am now envisaging me and Ozzie taking a trip to wherever the passport office is (Liverpool? Hull?) and standing in line with fellow desperate procrastinators. If this proves necessary, I am going to need something to read to him on the journey, something that will send him into a deep enough sleep so that I can watch at least 2 episodes of the new season of Girls. I was considering putting him through Barack Obama's first autobiography, the most boring book on record, but luckily for my passportless child, I have found this fantastic little winner called Yawn https://wordery.com/yawn-sally-symes-9781406336122 


Wednesday 24 February 2016

The only workout you regret....

...is the one you don't do. 

Now, I've read all of those "this girl can" whatevers that are all over social media; I've pinned the Pinterest motivational quotes about loving one's body and not rewarding oneself with food like a dog; I've done my "be fit not thin" affirmations in front of my mirror that's too high up so I can only see my forehead and not the persuasion in my eyes. And I'm lucky because I actually do like exercise. What's more, if I don't do enough, I start to show unpleasant signs of ADHD. BUT STILL. If I was built like Heidi Klum rather than present day Maradona would I still be exercising almost every day? Would I really? Or would I be sitting on my skinny ass every night measuring my thigh gap against various household items. Is it wider than a pencil? A pear? A pineapple? A multipack of water? Enlisting the help of my husband. "Babes, please will you do me a quick favour and nip outside and get the buggy from the car, I want to see if I can get it through my legs." Would I eventually stop when I run out of items in my lean, post-Marie Kondo'd house and spend the rest of the evening cruising the internet looking through all of the different summer shorts options available to those not of a heavy thigh? Hmmmm. I wonder. 

In the meantime though, I deal with the hand that fate/genetics chose for me. I am a lady of shape and I must exercise. I do a lot. And I am a faddist. Here are some of the fitness trends that are currently on my roster:

1. Hot Yoga 

Even after 7 months of doing this twice a week, I'm not totally convinced that hot yoga is any more beneficial than just sitting in a boiling hot room shvitzing whilst chatting to your friends but whatever, I LOVE IT. I do it at Fierce Grace http://www.fiercegrace.com/ but there are loads of places where you can pay £££ to spend an hour or so in silence upside down with beads of your own sweat dripping into your eyes. Namaste sista.


As a side note, you see this poster and think, oh im just gonna go and have fun with some like minded yogis and everyone will laugh when i do a fanny fart during down dog. What a total giggle. THIS IS FALSE ADVERTISING- I have never seen anyone laugh in a yoga class. Even talking before the start is frowned upon by the shamens. What the poster should say is "Lets get shvitsical" or something like that. That would be better. And truer. 


2. Betty Rocker Make Fat Cry Challenge 

I happened upon this somewhere in the doldrums of Instagram. You sign up for a free 30 day scheme thing, and for the whole month Betty emails you a 15 minute workout that is different every day. I honestly noticed an improvement in my shape after the month had finished. And what's more, by day 18, I was chanting the positive mantras alongside Betty, pushing to one side the suspicion that my 30 seconds of squat jumps had caused that slight dip in the wooden floor.  I really recommend this and it's so short. Who doesn't have 15 minutes a day, seriously?

http://makefatcrychallenge.com/

I told you I saw serious changes after 30 days. 


3. Fitness Blender on YouTube

I started Fitness Blender whilst doing sleep training with my daughter. I found that, helpfully, a lot of the video lengths matched Dr Ferber's recommended checking intervals. And so I would leg lift, go into the baby's room, not make eye contact, shh shh its sleep time, go out, plank, go into the baby's room, not make eye contact, shh shh its sleep time, go out, ladies' push ups (i know, "ladies'" yuck") go into the baby's room, not make eye contact shh shh its sleep time, go out. Repeat ad infinitum and/or sleep victory. There are heaps of short videos, long videos, whatever you are looking for videos, and there's no annoying music in the background. Just soviet style get down and do it workouts. And if you have a smart TV (as opposed to a good personality one) you can access the golden gates of YouTube through that too.  

https://www.youtube.com/user/FitnessBlender

You know what they say, the couple that passes the weighted ball together, stays together.




4. Stagnation 

Despite what I just this minute wrote, sometimes the fact remains that you quite simply can't be arsed. For those days, I recommend downloading any of the numerous celebrity fitness dvds and simply watching them on your TV, drawing inspiration from how careful use of contouring make up can give anyone a six pack, and jotting down what foods you would eat to get fat enough so that your transformation DVD will have maximum impact, selling even more copies than that Charlotte girl from Geordie Shore.





Tuesday 23 February 2016

A new box set love


Welcome to the first of what I hope is going to be a series of daily, rather than sometimesly, blogs.

First up... If you're looking for a new programme go and find Mozart in the Jungle. I mean, I know the whole world is talking about Making a Murderer but truthfully, it's dull as sin (is sin dull?) and you can totally blag having watched it, if you're thinking of viewing just to save yourself at the watercooler. Listen, I've done the hard work for you- I've watched the first two episodes and this is all you need to say "i know, it's so corrupt, cant believe it happens in modern day america. Yeah, i know. Terrible. Poor guy. But yeah, didn't they find some new evidence of something, like he loves porn, so that, kind of, you know, implicates him more." Cue impressed colleagues and friends, wondering why the bbc isn't considering bringing back that jonathan ross film programme but about TV shows and presented by you. 
With this faked high level analysis in place, you're free to watch something that really matters. No, not the documentary on plastic bags that my husband insisted on watching last night, but Mozart in the Jungle. Honestly- it is the ticket to viewing pleasure. Its amazing. About the New York Philharmonic Orchestra. Think a cross between Gossip Girl and Appassionata by Jilly Cooper. You can catch it here on Amazon Prime http://www.amazon.com/Mozart-Jungle-Season-1/dp/B00I3MNGCG  ENJOY!